After the self-proclaimed success of dragging the Draft out over two nights, the AFL is reportedly considering spreading Brownlow Night out over two nights next year to maximise coverage and increase its stranglehold over the 24-hour news cycle. League insiders suggest that a decision will be made in the coming weeks, with the executive very excited about their new formula of stretching an otherwise boring one-night event into a boring two-night event.
Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, one league insider said, “They’re real keen by the sounds of it. There’s been a real spring in their step in the office this morning. Obviously the ultimate goal is to take over the entire 12-month sporting calendar, so having Brownlow Night over two nights adds an extra day to that ever-expanding calendar, and chucking it in the midst of cricket season helps them to pinch a bit more attention from the summer game.”
Despite the reported enthusiasm for the two-night Brownlow extravaganza, any change to the format would create a variety of logistical issues. The insider said, “There are a lot of things to consider. I mean, having it totally out of season means that every player in the room will be playing drinking games. Instead of those goody two-shoes grand finallists who always stick to the waters. And we’ll have to pay the Armaguard guys for two nights instead of one. But the commercial benefits — i.e. sports betting revenue — are immense.”
While the league may be keen for the extended Brownlow event, one concerned WAG contacted The Watsonia Bugle to voice her displeasure. The anonymous woman said, “While the opportunity to wear two different dresses from two different designers would enhance my Instagram influencer abilities, I’m just not sure I can back up two nights in a row. Brownlow prep is serious business. I’m not sure I can double that commitment. Remember that time they did swab tests on bathroom surfaces for the Brownlow and the Logies, and the Brownlow returned more positive results? Let’s just say there wouldn’t be enough hairdressers and make-up artists in the world to make me look half decent the night after Brownlow.”