A local single man is claiming that he has created the perfect filter for prospective Tinder dates, going as far as to offer a full guarantee on his system. Callum Hamilton insists that if his date speaks about her self-diagnosed caffeine addiction or uses the term “wine time” at any point, it’s safe to assume that she is not a suitable long-term life partner.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Hamilton said, “Yeah mate, 100% guarantee on this one. If they start going on about how nobody can talk to them in the morning until they’ve had a coffee, or create some kind of religious mythology around fermented grapes, it’s a flat ‘no’ from me. It’s not like I don’t rate those two beverages, in fact, I really enjoy them. But I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life hearing about them.”

When asked exactly how many times he’s had to execute the strictest component of his filter, Hamilton said, “At least three or four times this year. And not always on the first couple of dates. Often it’s when we become Facebook friends and I see all the memes that her and her girlfriends tag each other in.”