A local vagrant claims he has been practicing drawing penises all week in preparation for defacing his ballot papers at today’s State Election. Clearly thumbing his nose at our nation’s proud democratic process, Boyd Jennings says he’s narrowed it down to three different designs but probably won’t decide which one to use until he’s standing in the queue this morning to cast his vote.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Jennings said, “There’s just so many options to choose from you know. There’s hairy or not hairy, veiny or not veiny, erect or flaccid, shooting or resting. I basically brainstorm all the available options, have a bit of a think about it, bounce some ideas off my friends, and then shortlist the designs into a top five. From there I refine the look of each drawing, and then make my final decision as I’m lining up on election morning.”

While it might seem like a joke to you, at least one regular vote counter insisted that Jennings won’t be the only one drawing a male phallus on their ballot paper today. The anonymous counter said, “You’d be surprised actually. I’ve worked every election — local, state and national — for the last 20 years or so and, every time, we see at least 20 or 30 penises while counting the ballot papers. That’s more than any other image or abusive diatribe written on the papers. I don’t know what it is, but the old fella always gets a good run.”

Advertisements