With news breaking earlier today that this year’s Big Bash will opt for a “batt toss” instead of the more traditional coin toss at the beginning of each game, local cricket fans are now disputing the correct naming of each side of the bat. While Cricket Australia have officially gone with “hills or flats” to name the opposing sides of a spinning cricket bat, some local cricket fans are insisting that it should be “roofs or flats”.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Daniel DeLuca said, “It has to be roofs or flats. It’s always been roofs or flats. Nobody says hills mate. What kind of a hill would it be anyway? A bloody sharp one. They don’t play cricket on Mount Fuji. And, besides, that’s a mountain anyway, not a hill. So, the whole concept is flawed.”

Meanwhile, Greensborough cricket enthusiast Niel Furlon hinted at a slightly more sinister reason behind the official naming. Furlon said, “This is just another example of cricket being run by the jerks north of the Murray. Over half the bloody team is from New South Wales, and now they’re trying to tell us how to toss and what to call it. Nobody tells me how to toss.”