A local clairvoyant is claiming to have identified Indian cricket captain Virat Kohli’s spirit animal. After careful consideration and research, Louise McAllister believes that Kohli’s spirit animal is that annoying little phantom kid that pops up at the slightest hint of a caravan park cricket match, invites himself to join in, takes it all far too seriously, expects to bat almost straight away, and is never out — even when he gets clean bowled.

While McAllister seems to be that rare clairvoyant that can combine clear tarot card reading skills with in-depth cricket knowledge, the accuracy of her claims on this topic seem to be indisputable. She said, “I did quite a bit of work on this, and I know that technically those annoying little kids aren’t animals, but when you get them out, they certainly behave like one. Kohli seems to exhibit a lot of the same behaviours as that odd caravan park species.”

McAllister further supported her position by saying that similarities extended all the way to that age-old question of why those phantom kids always seem so desperate to join in games with strangers. She said, “Usually it’s because they’ve burnt all of their other mates and family members by being such a jerk. So, they get sent off to look for new friends to alienate and frustrate.”

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