A local bottle shop is claiming that their branded thongs will help to alleviate the symptoms of holiday season gout, more so than just stopping drinking altogether. The brightly-coloured thongs are said to feature special design highlights that help to reduce pain and swelling of the toes caused by heavy drinking and cured meat consumption over the Christmas period.

The designer of the revolutionary footwear, who requested strict anonymity, told The Watsonia Bugle that wear-testing of the thongs indicated that they could reduce the symptoms of gout by up to 25 percent. They said, “That might not sound like much, but when your big toe is throbbing all day and night, you’ll take any kind of relief.

“I’m no doctor, I’m more of a shoe scientist, so rather than go on expensive medication or stop drinking for a bit, why not just go for a stylish and functional pair of thongs to get you through the next week or so? And if you spend plenty of cash at the counter, they pretty much throw the thongs in for free. It’s a no-brainer.”