An enthusiastic passive smoker says he thoroughly enjoyed a recent trip into Melbourne’s CBD, such was the high proliferation of smokers walking the city streets. Will Jamieson headed into the heart of Melbourne during yesterday’s morning peak and was pleasantly surprised by the amount of free secondhand smoke that he was able to ingest while walking a few short blocks to arrive at his destination.

Reflecting on the experience late last night, Jamieson told The Watsonia Bugle, “It was awesome mate, I didn’t even have to put a durry to me lips, yet I still managed to inhale almost a whole packet’s worth. That would cost me upwards of 30 bucks and take almost a full day to do all on me own. I guess they call it ‘The Big Smoke’ for a good reason.”

In fact, Jamieson was so impressed by the availability of complimentary carcinogenic carbon dioxide that he’s now considering seeking permanent work in the city. He said, “I might start applying for jobs in the CBD. It’s a very underrated benefit of working on the Hoddle Grid.”