A local nutritionist has claimed that guarana is not an actual thing, other than bucketloads of sugar. Despite clear evidence that guarana is a real plant, Willow Hanningdale said it was all just “some stupid conspiracy to normalise the rampant use of sugary energy drinks in modern society”.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle late yesterday to clarify her bold claim, Hanningdale said, “It’s not a thing, seriously. Have you ever heard of it being in any other food or drink other than those energy drinks? The whole thing is a myth.”

When pushed for scientific evidence to support her position, Hanningdale refused to elaborate. She said, “I’m telling you, it’s a myth. Doesn’t exist. All that ‘Amazon climbing plant’ back story is rubbish. When you read ‘guarana’ on a product label, that just means a small bucket of sugar has been used in the production of that drink.”