Local political analysts claim that the 2019 Australian election campaign has officially commenced, as news of fast trains hit the papers this morning. Despite the lack of an actual date for the long-awaited election, many observers have pointed out that talk of fast trains in rural Australia is a truer indication of an impending election than any official announcement.

Like a real-life episode of Utopia, it seems that nothing captures the attention of the voting public more than the concept of a super-fast train ferrying passengers all around the place. Local political analyst Kelvin Jones told The Watsonia Bugle, “Despite years of research, nobody can seem to work out why the idea of fast trains is so captivating. But it just is. So, every election, they wheel it out and it makes the front page.”

Jones also claimed that the current train service between Geelong and Melbourne is actually reasonably efficient. He said, “To be honest, by all reports, the current train service isn’t too bad. But, you know, never let the truth get in the way of a good story.”