Evicted tenant Julian Assange is reportedly a chance to lose his bond after news circulated earlier today that he had smeared excrement on the walls of his sub-let bedroom in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London. While surrendering the $600 bond to his former landlord might be the least of Assange’s worries right now, a decision on the bond will not be made until the final rental inspection is held on Monday morning.

If the real estate agent conducting the inspection on Monday detects any evidence of excrement being applied to the walls of the rental property, it will almost certainly result in an immediate surrendering of the bond, according to local rental experts. One local real estate agent told The Watsonia Bugle, “Mate, if I found poo on the walls of a rental I’d immediately take the bond and slap an additional cleaning fee on as well. What kind of a sicko smears poo on the walls of their own house, let alone a rental?”

Most reports centering around the alleged poo smearing stressed that it was unclear who’s excrement was being smeared, with some smart money being put on Assange’s beloved pet cat who lived with him at the Embassy up until late last year. However, regardless of the source, our local rental expert said that wouldn’t matter. He said, “I don’t care who’s shit that is. If it’s not been flushed down the toilet, we’ve got a problem. And someone has to pay for that problem. Most likely the tenant.”

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