Local ovals are reportedly bracing for an inevitable rise in so-called “copycock” attacks after news broke yesterday of a range of penis-shaped motifs appearing on sports fields in nearby Preston and Thornbury. Apparently an eagle-eyed Google Earth enthusiast first spotted the phallic inscriptions, and mainstream media quickly sprung into action, further publicising the acts of vandalism.

While the collective noun of penises is currently unknown, local groundsmen say they are concerned that would-be vandals will be aroused by this week’s news of multiple penis shapes popping up on sporting fields. One such curator, who requested strict anonymity, told The Watsonia Bugle, “We’ll be on high alert for the next few weeks. There’ll be a few tools out there who will be so inspired by this that they might take matters into their own hands. There might even be a few old fellas that will get off on this kind of stuff.”

Local criminal psychologist, Professor William Head, claimed that imitation behaviour was quite common amongst the fringes of society. He said, “Oh yes, very common. The majority of individuals with leanings towards nefarious behaviour are, typically, not very creative or imaginative. They are also easily led. That creates the perfect storm for being inspired by the dimwitted actions of others.”

Short of admitting that preventative fencing would need to be erected around local ovals, the anonymous groundsman suggested that some form of protection would be a good preventative measure. He said, “I work hard on keeping our sporting facilities in good condition. The last thing I need is some ‘copycock’ idiot undoing all that good work. And I’ve got better things to do with my time than staying back at night and beating off would-be vandals.”

Photo source: Google Earth.

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