A local man is reportedly practicing his full range of penis drawings in the lead-up to this weekend’s national election. Having already defaced the ballot papers in the state election last year, Boyd Jennings claims he’s spent a big six months perfecting his ideal graphical depiction of a penis, and is close to making his final decision.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Jennings said, “As I said when I spoke to youse during the state election campaign, you have a lot of decisions to make about the kind of dick that you draw. You know, you can go hairy or shaved, veiny or not veiny, erect or flaccid. I like to practice all of those variations so that I’m fully prepared to make the right decision.”

While you’d assume that Jennings’ decision would simply be his preferred look on the day, he insists that timing is also a big factor. He said, “It’s more complicated than you think, mate. I’ve got some real good ones that I can draw, but they take around five minutes to finish. You can’t be hovering around the booths for that long on election day. People would start to ask questions. So, I have to choose a combination of both the most eye-catching knob and the most time-efficient to actually draw.”

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