Reports coming out of Pyongyang are claiming that Kim Jong-un has scored the fastest ever one day international century, and also secured the ICC Cricket World Cup for his beloved North Korea despite conflicting reports suggesting that the tournament is still in its early stages. In a story first published this morning, the Pyongyang Oracle said that Jong-un “posted the fastest ever tonne [sic] in the entire history of one day cricket after smashing several home runs on his way to an unparalleled 104 not out off just 19 pitches.”

The article went on to explain that “Captain Kim” was then so supremely confident in his own bowling ability that he declared the innings closed – the first time that’s ever happened in a limited overs international cricket match. Jong-un then took the new ball and ripped through “the brittle British batting squad with a withering collection of zingers, finishing with the somewhat unlucky bowling analysis of 10 for 0 off two overs.”

The Watsonia Bugle’s forever reliable investigative journalism is yet to uncover any secondary sources to verify these bold claims, with most cricketing experts indicating that the World Cup doesn’t actually finish until the 14th of July. Not to mention the image they used in the report (seen above) appearing to be taken at a small village cricket venue not up to international standard. However, never one to be deterred by conflicting evidence, the Pyongyang Oracle report explained that all other competing nations had surrendered their places in the tournament after witnessing Jong-un’s dominant performance. Let’s just hope Jong-un doesn’t somehow weasel his way into the English Test side for the Ashes – after all, they’ve got a habit of selecting non-English players.