A local man has been heavily criticised for supposedly putting his sausage the incorrect way in bread at a barbeque with friends over the weekend. Greg McMillan was just trying to enjoy his Australian delicacy on Sunday afternoon when a friend noticed an incorrect alignment of the sausage on bread, loudly bringing the issue to the attention of all other attendees at the gathering.

While national custom dictates that the sausage should be placed diagonally across a slice of bread, it seems McMillan was flying in the face of years of tradition by placing his sausage across the bread in a more parallel fashion. Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle late yesterday, McMillan said, “I couldn’t work out what the big deal was. I’ve always eaten my sausages in bread that way, now all of a sudden it’s a major incident. The way the boys were carrying on was as if I’d just run over Skippy. They were all calling me ‘unAustralian’ and saying I was a disgrace to both my nation and my family name. Talk about your all-time overreactions!”

At this point in the interview things turned a little sour as we told McMillan that we actually agreedwith his mates on this issue. McMillan then said, “No way. As if. Where’s your journalistic integrity? I thought you were supposed to remain neutral on these types of things and just report the facts?”

Well, you thought wrong Gregory. The correct way to align your sausage in a slice of bread is diagonally. Any other alignment is, to be brutally honest, both disrespectful and insulting to decades of barbeque etiquette. What you do in the privacy of your own home is up to you mate, but when you’re out in public you must employ the diagonal alignment, or suffer the totally acceptable ridicule that will inevitably come your way.