A local man has spectacularly claimed that last night’s blackout of Greensy Maccas is one of the seven signs of the apocalypse. Nathan Dendle made the bold proclamation this morning, having spent most of the morning Googling armageddon theories despite his dwindling phone battery.
Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle this morning, Dendle said, “Like many people, I rely on certain constants in my life to help me navigate this rapidly changing society that we live in. And the lights being on at Greensy Maccas provides me with more comfort than I ever realised. When I saw that it had blacked out last night, I knew we were in the midst of a climate emergency in this country. Yesterday’s weather conditions, and the destruction that they caused, have finally wisened me up to the concept of global warming. The temporary disablement of Greensy Maccas was the final domino to drop in my mind.”
Dendle claimed that when he heard that Eltham Maccas was also shut, that was when he genuinely started to panic. He said, “I actually don’t get Maccas that much, but I like the thought of it being there for me whenever I need it. I mean, who knows when I’ll need to grab a cheeky cheeseburger next? I did a bit of Internet research last night, and I reckon the shutdown of McDonald’s is basically one of the modern signs of the apocalypse. I don’t care about Watermarc being down, that’s no big loss. But Maccas is an institution. It’s part of the fabric of our society.”