This week is set to provide a clear insight into exactly who loves their car, and who doesn’t care at all. Following Thursday’s bizarre weather event, cars all across Victoria have been covered in a dirty speckle of dust and grime, with seemingly no suburb or town spared the lethal combination of heat, dust, wind, and just a slight sprinkling of rain.

With reports that car wash venues in nearby suburbs experienced high demand as early as Friday morning, car enthusiasts have now had approximately four days to rectify the filthy mess, which industry insiders claim is more than enough time to exhibit your love, or lack thereof, for your automobile. Local squeegy savante Callum Finlayson told The Watsonia Bugle, “Within the industry, 100 hours is generally accepted as the bare minimum of time in which to rectify a severe weather event like the one we saw on Thursday. Considering that time span has included a weekend, there’s really no excuse for not having washed your car by now. Seriously.”

Finlayson also claimed that he couldn’t recall a more stark test of motor vehicle love in recent times. He said, “I’ve seen some good ones over the years, but this one seems to have spread far and wide. I can’t recall ever seeing more cars in a state of disgust than I did over the weekend. It’s quite remarkable.”