A local father claims he has contacted the MCG curator for advice on how to put some extra spice into his annual Christmas Day pitch. Gary Edwards said he was impressed by the lively MCG wicket that forced the suspension of play at the weekend’s Sheffield Shield clash between Victoria and Western Australia, suggesting that it could liven up proceedings at his place in a couple of weeks.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle, Edwards said, “Yeah mate, I’ve got the whole family coming over on Chrissie Day, and the last thing I want in the backyard is an absolute batsman’s paradise. You need a decent contest between bat and ball, and if that skews slightly in the favour of ball, that’s actually a good thing.”

Edwards also claimed that younger generations are not accustomed to having to “knuckle down and block early in their innings”, blaming the advent of widespread limited overs cricket in the modern landscape. He said, “These young kids turn up to my place every year, often with a brand-new bat from Santa, and they start trying to ramp me over the back fence from the first over. It’s outrageous. If I can add some spice to the wicket, it will teach them a valuable lesson. It’s like, try reverse-sweeping a ball that rears off a good length and whistles past your nose.”

While Edwards refused to divulge the specifics of his conversation with the professional curator, he claims he was able to glean some useful tips. Edwards said, “Oh yeah, he didn’t say much, but it was more what he didn’t say that kind of helped me. I’ve got just over two weeks to get this right, and I’ll be out there every night between now and Christmas to provide a wicket that nobody will ever forget. Haha, it’s gunna be awesome.”