A local man was shocked to discover that “Sex on Fire” by Kings of Leon was not available to vote for on triple j’s Hottest 100 of the 2010s after voting opened earlier today. Travis Lockhart excitedly logged on this morning to cast his votes but, for multiple reasons, was saddened to realise that the hit song was actually released prior to the last decade.

Reflecting on his emotions directly following the harsh realisation, Lockhart said, “What do you mean it released in 2008? Surely that song didn’t come out two decades ago. Mate, that track was an absolute banger. I used to go off on the dancefloor when that song came on. Back in my prime, man.”

And it appears the unwelcome reminder of the passing of time has hit Lockhart harder than most, as he spent much of the afternoon contemplating his life and attempting to grasp the rapidly accelerating notion of his personal mortality. He said, “I guess it’s true what they say: life is what happens when you get busy making plans. My productivity at work has been marginal since about 10:30 this morning. What am I doing with my life? Where am I headed? What does my future hold? Do I have enough superannuation to retire at an age when I can still enjoy it? I honestly don’t know anymore.”