A Queensland Fruit Fly currently wreaking havoc in Watsonia has reportedly told some local flies that he just can’t get his head around daylight savings. The foreign pest has been spotted buzzing around the local area in the past week, leading to genuine fears among keen gardeners across the Diamond Valley. However, it is hoped that the latest development indicates that the fly will soon vacate the area, due to deep-seated fears about fading curtains and dairy cows.

In a true The Watsonia Bugle exclusive, a common variety local fly, who gave his name only as Louie, came forward to share a recent encounter with the northern species. With the assistance of an interpreter, Louie said, “Yeah mate, that Queensland bloke has been buzzing around all week, causing all kinds of a ruckus. We’s [sic] are all fed up with him and shit, especially when he started bashing on about how he couldn’t believe how light it was at 7.30pm. He kept asking how we kept our energies up even though our days went for 25 hours in summer. We’s [sic] were like, stop giving flies a bad name by being such a dumb idiot.”

Louie then claimed that the Queensland Fruit Fly’s aversion to change and progression might actually work in our favour, with suggestions that it might return north where it can rely on it being broad daylight at 4.30am each day. Louie said, “I reckon it’ll do him in to be honest. He just can’t seem to get his head around it. Of all the great things Melbourne has to offer, all he can bloody talk about is how it’s colder down here and daylight savings is too confusing. My guess is he’ll be gone by the end of this week.”