A prominent national supermarket chain has been accused of attempting to dress up the beloved Australian staple of garlic bread. Culinary traditionalist Brett Campbell noticed an oddly named product during a recent visit to the supermarket, with a so-called “garlic baguette” two-pack in the fridge section right next to the more traditional “garlic bread”.

Campbell was horrified by the find, claiming that the existence of the two marginally different products was “the perfect example of the food industry’s vain attempt to dress up previously unpretentious Aussie kitchen staples. I mean, what’s next? Calling a vegemite scroll a ‘yeast fromage twist’? No thanks.”

Campbell claimed that the popular foodie movement’s emergence over the last 10 to 15 years had forced supermarkets to dress up their wares with increasingly sophisticated wordings to cater for pretentious customers. He said, “Food has become like the contestants on those stupid reality TV shows: everything has to have a back story. It’s not enough for a salted caramel ice cream to taste real good, we need to hear the detailed story of how some wannabe artisan extracted the salt from some obscure, yet sustainable, source. When the Coles homebrand is referring to the humble g-bread as a friggin baguette we know that the food industry has jumped the shark.”

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