The first week of self-isolation has prompted at least one local man to begin pondering some of life’s deepest mysteries. Tim Lonsdale has been working from home since Monday, while simultaneously attempting to cohabitate full-time with his wife and two kids.

While Lonsdale conceded that it is still very early days in the COVID-19–inspired lockdown, he said the relative solitude had led to some deep and challenging questions. He reached out to The Watsonia Bugle this morning to discuss some of his pressing concerns, and for some slight – albeit online – human interaction.

In a long-ranging conversation, Lonsdale said, “I’m not normally much of a thinker. I’m a pretty simple man. Give me a beer, some sport to watch, and a decent feed and I’m pretty happy. But this week I’ve just been contemplating a few things, you know. Like, why does a coffee machine actually have to be so noisy? Can’t they invent a quiet one? Surely.”

Lonsdale said he’d even done some research on the matter, but was no closer to a decent answer. He said, “Mate, I’ve seen all them memes, you know about the inventors who came up with some awesome stuff during previous times of forced self-isolation. Maybe that’s what I can do this weekend! Invent a silent coffee machine. That would be sick.”