A local man claims he is still trying to decide on what his self-isolation tactics will be: a disciplined health kick or full-blown alcoholism. Tom Leonard is still in his first week of self-isolation, and after the early flurry of binge-watching television and daily drinking sessions, is now on the precipice.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Leonard said, “Yeah mate, the first few days were pretty good, I’m not gonna lie. The weekend was a bit wild. Drinking every day, eating junk food, and watching heaps of TV, but I’m at the crossroads now. I can either fully embrace a life of drinking and laziness, or I can get a mad rig in order for summer 2020-21. I mean, the next summer could be a bonanza for picking up chicks. Everyone will be emerging from over six months of iso, and they’ll be craving the human touch.”

Leonard said the one thing in favour of embracing a life of improved health and fitness was the obvious removal of temptation. He explained, “Well, I can’t go out with me dickhead mates every weekend, so that removes the peer group pressure that has essentially fuelled my rampant binge drinking for over a decade now.”