A local friendship group is reportedly in crisis mode as the bunch of eight mates face the unenviable challenge of whittling their wolfpack down to just six members so that five of them can visit one member’s house and have a few beers. The conundrum was sparked by today’s news that people will soon be able to visit their friends’ houses in groups of five, as COVID-19 lockdown measures are slightly eased while the nation attempts to get itself back on its feet.

Heated discussion flooded the group’s WhatsApp thread this afternoon, as each member seemed to subtly state their case for inclusion in the so-called “Super 6”. One anonymous member told The Watsonia Bugle, “Competition is hot, that’s for sure. I mean we all love a beer, but this first session is going to be huge. It’s kind of like getting Grand Final tickets, except that’s probably easier than this.”

After offering a detailed description of each member in the field, and floating a rough betting market for who would make the final cut, the anonymous member said, “It’s anyone’s guess I reckon. There are so many complexities in all this, and more bloody mini alliances than a game of Survivor. It’s not as easy as you would think.”