The true identity of the local police helicopter pilot has been revealed, after years of speculation surrounding his true motives. After an aviation industry insider initially contacted us to say they’d seen Facebook head honcho Mark Zuckerberg regularly coming and going from Essendon airport over the last 18 months, we performed some of our renowned investigative journalism and uncovered a sophisticated scheme designed to increase traffic on the prominent social media platform.

In the process of our investigation, a former Facebook employee broke ranks and claimed that Zuckerberg had identified the unparalleled hysteria caused by an overhead helicopter in our local area and implemented a plan to capitalise on the phenomenon. The anonymous source said, “We’d tried so many content strategies over the years to boost user engagement, but nothing worked quite like a speculative post about why a helicopter is hovering over the northern suburbs of Melbourne. So, we set about increasing the air traffic in that area to ensure maximum audience engagement.”

The source also claimed that Zuckerberg was so invested in the scheme that he personally obtained his pilot’s license and completed many of the flights himself. They said, “Like a lot of super rich dudes, he likes to take up expensive hobbies that make him feel alive. And it seems nothing is more invigorating than the combined adrenaline rush of flying a helicopter and boosting your business. He loves it.”