A local lothario has controversially claimed that taking a hot date to a drive-in movie theatre isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Cameron Sampson made the bold declaration yesterday as news swirls about the impending reopening of drive-in movie venues across Melbourne.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Sampson put forward a rather unexpected reasoning for why watching an entire film inside a car with someone new in your life wasn’t such a great idea. He said, “Have you ever tried dropping your guts in the car at the drive-in and just blaming it on someone else at the venue? No, you haven’t, because that’s impossible. Seriously, these are the kinds of things you need to consider before choosing a date option. People don’t talk openly about this, but it’s a genuine issue.”

And just in case you wondered whether romance was entirely dead, Sampson went on to explain that he waited until at least the fifth date with a new love interest before passing wind in the same enclosed space as them. He said, “I mean, don’t make me out to be some kind of animal, because I’m not. I wouldn’t let one rip until at least the fifth date, sometimes even later.”