The Montmorency Park oval is officially in the best condition it’s ever been in late May, seemingly benefiting from the combined forces of a resurfacing and not having any sport played on it. The notoriously sodden ground has been looking an absolute picture over the last month or so, with many passersby commenting on its close resemblance to plush carpet.

Over the weekend, an independent team of amateur curators assessed the oval, and then collected anecdotal evidence from locals on what the ground normally looks like at this stage of the year. In a detailed report entitled “Monty Park: Better Than Ever”, it was concluded that, “The surface of the oval is an absolute treat right now. Like, real good. Never better. So much so that we suspect an influx of previously retired players to pull the boots on again this year if the season gets up.”

However, while the mood amongst locals remains buoyant right now, some scepticism remains over just how long the current condition will remain. One anonymous local said, “I’d give it about two weeks of training and games on it before it returns to normal – you know, mud all over the place, and visible trench lines when you drive past on Para Road. That joint is cursed, mate. No matter what they do to it, it always ends up like a quagmire.”