The contracted security guards at an eastern suburbs hotel claim they haven’t been sleeping with any occupants in the building. The odd proclamation comes after reports of other security guards in COVID-19 quarantine hotels across Melbourne getting freaky with guests who were supposed to be isolating after arriving in Australia from overseas.

While further investigations into the so-called “Hotel Hotel” located in Dandenong South just off EastLink revealed the building hadn’t entertained guests for over a decade, that didn’t stop the site’s security guards from sharing their proud news. According to one guard, “Yeah mate, we’ve all abstained during this uncertain time in global history. It hasn’t been easy, but that’s just part of being a professional in these circumstances. We all have to make sacrifices.”

It’s not the first time the faux hotel has made headlines. Back in 2018, Watsonia man Brendon Daniels accused the towering establishment of “suburb discrimination” after claiming he was refused access to a bed for the night.