A disenchanted footy fan has dusted off his well-worn copy of Biffs, Bumps and Brawlers to deliver a timely reminder of the good old days. Frustrated with the state of the modern game, Grant Nelson watched the entire DVD this afternoon, while enjoying some alone time in his man cave.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle about his trip down memory lane, Nelson said, “It was bloody awesome, mate. Geez, there were some big hits back in the day. That’s when men were men, and footy players didn’t have Instagram accounts. The closest thing those blokes got to a selfie was taking a good long hard look at themselves in the mirror after shirking a contest. Which they did rarely, because they hardly ever shirked.”

Nelson also claimed the nostalgic viewing of Biffs, Bumps and Brawlers had given him an innovative solution to some of the issues plaguing the modern game. He said, “I’ll tell you how to reduce congestion around the footy: put a few bulls in the pen. Players didn’t linger around the ball when I was prowling the suburban grounds back in the 90s. If you made a nuisance of yourself around a ball up in those days you got picked off. Simple.”

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