A local man claims he is genuinely concerned about his first big night out on the town once current restrictions have been lifted and COVID infection numbers in Melbourne have dropped, even though that seems like months away right now. Lenny Marlow says he’s spent quite a bit of time lusting after that first night out, but the more he thinks about it the more it worries him.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Marlow said, “Mate, can you imagine? It’s gonna be absurd. It’ll get out of hand real quick. Trust me. At first, I was just hanging for it to get here, but now I’m full worried. I honestly can’t see it ending well. I’ve maintained a reasonable level of piss fitness in iso, but nothing prepares you for the groundswell of social excitement that hijacks all rational thought on a proper night out. Nothing.”

While Marlow obviously has no first-hand experience of returning to our city’s nightlife after an earth-shaking global pandemic of mass proportions, he did attempt to explain the scenario in layman’s terms. He said, “Obviously, it’s not exactly the same, but I feel like it will be a bit like when you turn up late to a party and everyone’s already pissed. To get on the same wavelength, you go hard early to make up for lost time. Playing catch-up is a dangerous game. I’ve rolled that dice a few times myself over the years, and it rarely ends well.”