An in-depth scientific study has shockingly revealed that “mug wine” is actually the pinnacle of, not only wine consumption, but alcohol consumption in general. The finding, which flies in the face of years of anecdotal evidence, and threatens the entire glassware industry, was presented at the conclusion of a recent study conducted by a team of researchers from a local university.

Head researcher, Janet McLelland, told The Watsonia Bugle, “We analysed over 20 different vessels across five different varieties of red wine, and the humble mug topped each and every category. It was actually quite astounding. When we started the study, the only box I thought the mug would tick was ‘nostalgic warmth’ for uncultured people who like camping or something, but the mug absolutely dominated.”

While McLelland remained somewhat tight-lipped about every judging category, she did reveal the areas where the mug eclipsed the opposition. She said, “Amongst other categories, each drinking vessel was rated on how it aired the wine, its inherent firmness of grip, its durability in a variety of drinking settings, and the ‘feel’ it gave the drinker. They were the four areas that the mug won quite easily, giving it a comfortable overall victory.”