The AFL has commenced the tough process of selecting local Queensland talent for the Grand Final entertainment, following yesterday’s official announcement that this year’s decider would be held at the Gabba in Brisbane. Due to the state’s draconian border restrictions meaning the chosen act must be a local, and with a decent chunk of the Bee Gees sadly no longer with us, the next rung of prominent Queensland talent is currently being assessed.

According to an anonymous league insider, the options have already been shortlisted, with a final decision expected by next week. The inside source said, “Yeah mate, Gil was pumping Spotify on the flight up the other day. He even made a little playlist for the trip. He called it ‘Banana Bender Bangers’. It was an eclectic mix. I mean, he had the usual suspects like Powderfinger, Pete Murray, and Keith Urban, but then he also had a few left-field options like Savage Garden, and The Veronicas. It’ll be tough to cut it down to just one or two artists.”

An even further left-field option has also arisen this week, but is reportedly dependent on whether Collingwood make the Grand Final or not. The source said, “Yeah, one of the alternative guys from the art department suggested Butterfingers, because they have the song called ‘FIGJAM’. Bucks wouldn’t be happy about that, but it’d be nice of us to step on Collingwood’s toes for once.”

Footy fans are understandably nervous about the decision, especially considering the event is being held away from the MCG for the first time since 1991. The last time that happened, we got Angry Anderson cruising around Waverley Park on the back of the pale blue “batmobile”. And pillocks with even just a passing interest in football will happily point to Meatloaf’s off kilter performance at the 2011 Grand Final when attempting to belittle the AFL’s contribution to musical entertainment at major sporting events.

What do you think they’ll come up with?