The towering, yet relatively unknown, staircase at Trist Reserve is expected to become the cornerstone of the park’s North East Link–funded revamp. Flyers distributed to local households this week have confirmed an upgrade to the often-forgotten Trist Reserve as part of the upcoming NEL works, with no additional details provided other than the $80,000 price tag committed to the project.

Exactly what you can achieve with $80,000 these days remains unclear, but an inside source has suggested that rebranding Trist Reserve as a go-to destination for fitness fanatics could be on the horizon. The anonymous insider said, “When we first saw the budget allocation we weren’t too sure what could be done with $80k apart from a new batch of mulch and maybe a couple of new swings. But then we embraced the 2020 trend of the pivot, and starting workshopping how we could make that old staircase into something new and interesting.”

Inspired by the overwhelming popularity of the Dandenong Ranges’ 1000 steps walking trail, the source said they’d start promoting Trist Reserve as the place to go to get your steps up and tone that buttocks of yours. They said, “Did you know the so-called ‘1000 Steps’ aren’t actually a thousand steps anyway. It’s more like 770 or something like that, so why can’t we be a little creative with our accounting too? We’re gonna brand ours as the ‘200 Steps’, and target it at the time-poor market. People love saying they’re time poor, so we’re hoping they’ll also love hitting the ‘200 Steps’ as a little weekend activity. And if you really must do the 1000 steps, just go up and down five times. Easy.”