Australia’s growing population of Karens has taken a collective deep breath this morning as they attempt to recover from yesterday’s outrageous Coles closure. Karens all over the nation were left stranded yesterday when the large supermarket chain experienced technical issues which froze their checkouts and required the temporary closure of many stores.

There simply weren’t enough managers to speak to when the tidal wave of disgruntled customers had to abandon full shopping trolleys and exit the stores amidst the catastrophic system failure. Supermarket staff were inundated with complaints, with many reports suggesting that some Karens were reduced to speaking to just run-of-the-mill Coles staff while the managers dealt with the more pressing matter of trying to rectify the issue.

One local Karen contacted The Watsonia Bugle this morning to say she was still shaken by the whole experience. She said, “That outage infringed my constitutional right to ‘duck down to Coles just to grab a few things’. And I was not happy about that. This year has dished up enough problems without having to deal with this abomination.”