A sugar dependent jerk that buys jelly beans every time he goes to the chemist claims he does it to improve his health. Ben Donaldson made the claims to friends recently during an afternoon at the pub after the friends openly questioned who actually buys those jelly beans at chemists all over the nation.

Donaldson reportedly told his friends that his regular impulse purchases were, “To keep the glucose up boys. They sell ‘em in a chemist so they must be good for ya!” While the friends initially heard Donaldson out, they then spent the next hour tearing shreds off him, questioning his intelligence, dietary intake, and general spending habits.

One friend contacted The Watsonia Bugle and said, “What a pillock! Even after we’d roasted him for an hour he was still standing by his belief that them jelly beans are good for you. I’m honestly questioning my friendship with him now.”