Despite the concerning return of community transmission of COVID-19 in his home city, at least one Melbourne man says he’s resting safe in the knowledge that our nation’s vaccination program has been super proactive. Danny Pollard contacted The Watsonia Bugle this morning to share his apparent calm, suggesting that the Australian government had successfully used the lull in positive cases so far this year to vaccinate as many people as possible ahead of a long, cold winter.

In a wide-ranging interview, Pollard said, “Yeah, I mean, we’re so much better prepared for the next wave this time. Heaps of people are vaccinated, we understand the virus better now, so this’ll all be fine. Plus ScoMo’s been out on the frontline this time. Sure, he gave Victorians absolutely nothing for most of last year, really distanced himself from the mess that was unfolding down here in 2020. But I’ve seen him pop up at heaps of photo opportunities this year for the vaccine. He’s even been tactically choosing Australian national sporting team polo shirts for the occasion. Straight out of the packet, never to be worn again, but that’s okay. He’s a real man of the people. I trust him.”

The oddly buoyant Pollard also claimed that Melbourne could control this latest outbreak fairly quickly. He said, “Yeah mate, no worries. I’m talking like one, maybe three, months at the most. Maybe four months tops. And by then it’ll be September. Footy finals mate, sweet. Good timing.”