A local hipster is currently trying to work out how far the new 10km radius restrictions will get him into Melbourne’s trendier inner north. Watsonia resident Callum Dickinson takes regular weekend pilgrimages south of his home suburb to be amongst his people, but is now concerned he’ll only get as far as Fairfield, not right into the hipster heartland of Fitzroy North.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Dickinson said, “It’s my usual weekend vibe, you know, head into the inner sanctum for some deconstructed lattes, throw the frisbee in Edinburgh Gardens, then maybe a few watermelon smash cans before I ride my fixie home. But at the moment, the 10km radius only gets me as far as Fairfield, maybe All Nations Park in Northcote at an absolute stretch. I’m just not sure how much longer I can survive without that weekly dose of culture, you know.”

Despite conceding that he’d been priced out of actually living in the inner north, Dickinson denied he had champagne tastes on a beer budget. He said, “What can I say, I just like nice things. Apart from an ironic visit to Kmart at Greensy Plaza, there’s not enough to satisfy my sophisticated palate out here in the far north. I need to be around my people to feel truly at home.”