A Watsonia man claims he’s still trying to decide which lockdown persona to adopt this time around, despite having ample practice over the last 18 months. Darren Adamson said that while he’s dabbled in a few of the different personas during each of Melbourne’s six lockdowns so far, he’s yet to fully commit to just one, and the next two weeks are the time for him to make that final decision.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle, Adamson said, “It’s a real tough one to be honest. I’ve tried a few on, but none seem to fit me perfectly. I mean, there’s the path towards full-blown alcoholism, and there’s the fitness fanatic. Those two are kind of incompatible, but each is attractive in its own right. And then sometimes I feel like going all-in on multiple contradicting conspiracy theories and just living on social media. Not because I necessarily believe in any of them, but sometimes it’s just nice to feel something.”

While the nation continues to grapple with what it takes to deliver a decent vaccine rollout, Adamson said with future lockdowns quite likely, it’s time to pick one persona here and settle on it. He said, “Look, this shit will be going on for at least another 12 months, maybe longer, so I just need to pick one and stick with it. Maybe I’ll combine a couple. Find a nice middle ground. Be a fitness fanatic from Monday to Friday, thrown in with a casual wood-turning hobby, and then just let slip the dogs of war on the weekend by drinking heaps of piss. After all, life is about balance.”