A local dunce has taken to blaming lockdown for all the failings in his life, discovering that it’s actually quite a good catch-all remedy. Kane Nelson started adopting the approach a couple of weeks ago, and claims that while he’s aware he can’t go too far with it, he’s using it as a fallback excuse for most things right now.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle, Nelson said, “Everything sucks right now, so nobody really questions it when you finish a complaint with ‘bloody lockdown, eh?’ It was a bit like 2020 last year, you could just explain everything away by quoting that number. Who would’ve guessed that 2021 would be just as shit?”

When asked for specific examples, Nelson claimed the lockdown was impacting his usual preparations for summer. He said, “Bloody Dictator Dan! I would’ve really sculpted me beach bod this winter, but two hours a day of exercise just isn’t enough. I mean, how am I supposed to access all the major muscle groups in that time. Bloody lockdown, eh?”