A Watsonia mother is insisting that lockdown isn’t over until she can stroll the aisles of Kmart, telling friends that all this “Freedom Day” talk is nonsense. Dani Tindall was overheard making these claims in the coffee queue yesterday at a local café, suggesting that true freedom allows citizens to indulge in their deepest retail fantasies.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle yesterday to elaborate on her controversial theory, Tindall said, “I’m just sick of everyone talking about ‘Freedom Day’ and ‘Freedom Weekend’. It’s a load of garbage. Life isn’t back to normal until I can calmly stroll the aisles of Kmart on a Saturday afternoon. I just love that place. You can have your pubs, your cafes and your restaurants. I’m not interested. I need me Kmart.”

When asked whether the current click and correct arrangement was satisfactory, Tindall scoffed, and then said, “It’s just not the same. It’s a well-known fact that you don’t actually go to Kmart looking for a specific item. You just turn up and Kmart tells you what you need. So, click and collect just doesn’t cut the mustard.”