An enraged footy fan has reportedly chained himself to a decommissioned Red Rooster outlet in the bowels of the MCG in protest of the stadium’s controversial new catering deal. As news spread this morning of the fact Red Rooster would no longer be available at the footy, Greensborough resident Matt O’Donnell rushed to the beloved sporting venue, broke in through the gates, and promptly affixed himself to one of the soon-to-be defunct restaurants.

Speaking exclusively to The Watsonia Bugle from the scene of his silent protest, O’Donnell said, “As the old saying goes, bad things happen when good people do nothing. And I’m just not going to stand by and let this happen without expressing my outrage.”

Explaining that nothing soaked up bulk pint consumption better than a dozen nuggets and a large chips, O’Donnell proclaimed, “2022 was supposed to be the year of fans coming back to the footy. But this change has me wanting to stay home on the couch and just order some Red Bird from Uber Eats. Seriously.”