A local renegade has just been overheard announcing to nobody in particular that today is a “three coffee kind of day”. A living and breathing endorsement for the many advantages of working from home, Cale Leonard is often heard making bold statements such as this, seemingly oblivious to the disinterest of his colleagues.

An anonymous work colleague contacted The Watsonia Bugle just before lunchtime today to vent about Leonard’s workplace habits, constant chatter, and obvious personality flaws. They said, “Today was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He kept going on about how tired he was because he’s binge watching some shit show that nobody is interested in. By about 11:00am he started announcing to nobody in particular that ‘today is a three coffee kind of day’. I reckon he said it out loud about three or four times and not one person responded. He’s a lost cause.”

Also known to say “Thank God it’s Friday” to every single person he crosses paths with on a Friday morning, Leonard seems to either be desperately unhappy on the inside, or one of those blissfully ignorant people who is genuinely happy because they have no real concept of the real world. The anonymous colleague said, “It’s borderline, I reckon. Sometimes I’m convinced he’s blissfully ignorant of the wider world, but then other times I think he’s just trying to mask some deep level of pain that I’ll never understand. It’s a genuine riddle.”