A local Essendon fan says she’s currently looking for alternative ways to be let down on the coming weekend, with her beleaguered team set to enjoy the bye this round. Lisa Pollard said while she was looking forward to a much-needed break from the footy, she also didn’t want to break too strongly from routine.

Speaking to The Watsonia Bugle, Pollard said, “Initially I was thrilled when I realised we had the bye but, in some kind of perverse way, I kind of want the pain. It’s like picking at a scab, there’s a strange comfort in the suffering.”

Pollard said that while she was currently still workshopping her upcoming weekend schedule, she had a couple of likely options. She said, “At this stage I’ve narrowed it down to either taking the kids to see some crap cartoon movie that I have no interest in, or going to a café in the inner north to sit on a milk crate and pay $8 for a deconstructed latte. I think those two activities best encapsulate the unique destruction of high hopes being devastatingly crushed by an inescapably disappointing experience.”