Scandal has hit the usually sleepy clime of Watsonia North, with multiple locals contacting The Watsonia Bugle to report yesterday’s lack of newspaper delivery. Numerous media consumption laggards, who rely on their daily printed news bulletin to understand what’s happening in the world, were reportedly forced to resort to inferior news sources like the Internet, their chatty next door neighbour, and the nightly television news.

One such resident, Paul Tanner, said the missed newspaper delivery robbed him of his favourite weekend ritual. Tanner said, “It just really threw me, you know. I love sitting down and reading the paper while I eat me Corn Flakes. I ended up flicking on the wireless instead. It was alright, but not as good.”

While Tanner explored to open expanses of AM talkback radio on a Sunday morning, other Watsonia North residents began speculating about the reason for the lost delivery. One subscriber, who requested strict anonymity, claimed the incident could have been sparked by something quite sinister. They said, “If you ask me, I reckon the delivery guy might’ve tipped a few too many beers in on Saturday night. Probably a Swans supporter. Disgraceful.”