A local specimen has claimed that Cheezels are an appropriate breakfast option, based purely on the fact they are packaged in a rectangle box just like cereal. Brent Diesel made the bold statement over the weekend during a weekend away with family, both shocking and horrifying those present in equal measure.

And Diesel is now doubling down on the unconventional approach to the most important meal of the day, insisting to The Watsonia Bugle last night that his nutritional theory is sound. He said, “I stand by this theory. It’s called ‘intuitive design’. Supermarkets package things so that they’re easier to categorise. Makes the whole shopping experience much easier. Think about it. What other chips are sold in box packaging? None. Case closed.”

However, when asked why Cheezels weren’t found in the cereal aisle, Diesel visibly bristled. He then said, “Look, mate, I don’t make all the rules. All I’m saying is that if something is packaged in a box, it’s fair game for brekky. Come to think of it, lasagne sheets come in a box, so I might have to work that into my weekly eating plan.”