A local Bombers supporter has boldly claimed that Carlton have actually gone longer without an AFL finals win, in a seemingly desperate attempt to divert attention from his struggling club. Nick Cameron revealed the controversial theory yesterday at a BBQ with friends, and has spent much of the time since defending his flimsy position.

According to Cameron, the entire premise of the “Top 8” on the ladder is a false economy, rendering Elimination Finals as nothing more than a money-making exercise for the AFL. He said, “Sure, the Doggies won from seventh back in 2016, but most of the time seventh and eighth on the ladder are just making up the numbers. So, for argument’s sake, let’s just say that Elimination Finals are irrelevant. That changes the whole paradigm of the ‘days since last finals win’ joke. Sure, it means our finals win drought actually grows, but it also means Carlton’s finals win drought grows bigger than ours.”

He went on to explain, “Carlton’s last fair dinkum finals win was the 2000 semi-final against the Lions, and our last fair dinkum finals win was the 2001 prelim. Which means Carlton’s days since they won a final is a whopping 8052, and ours is a measly 7653 days. So, yeah, my hypothesis is that we’re shit, but Carlton are shitter, haha.”

Cameron says he came up with the new theory after yet another merciless roasting from his so-called friends. He said, “I’m just sick of it, mate. They all keep the count going but, you know what, I’ve just had enough! Get a new joke, guys, you’re not that funny. So, I did some research on it. Look me in the eyes and tell me the top-eight system is anything more than a way to pump a few more dollars into the AFL coffers and give some hope to the desperates whose teams aren’t really good enough to win the whole thing.”

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