The beloved, yet currently unemployed, dancing coffee cup that once brightened the lives of commuters on Greensborough Highway has miraculously firmed as a hot favourite to land the vacant CEO job at the Essendon Football Club. While the beleaguered AFL club continues to scramble after a tumultuous start to its off-season, appointing the dancing coffee cup has been described as a wise move by some observers.

Local human resources expert, Damon Wilson, has told The Watsonia Bugle that giving the CEO job to the oversized coffee cup would be a big win for all parties. He said, “Look, they’ve made some odd choices at The Hanger over the last month or so, but this one looks bulletproof. The coffee cup is respected and loved by all, has a solid work ethic, and is experienced at working in the performance and entertainment industry. Plus, he’s been out of work for well over a year now, so he’s keen to sink his teeth into a new challenge.”

However, not all in the AFL industry are convinced. An anonymous source said, “I’m not sure Essendon needs any more mystery in its brand. I mean, with their history of questionable substances, you’d have to ask questions about what’s in that cup. I mean, how else did it get up and dance on the side of the road at 6am every day? I don’t think this is a good idea.”