Footy season is almost officially upon us, with just over a week to go before the Tigers and the Blues launch the AFL season with their annual Thursday night anti-climax at the MCG. Here at The Watsonia Bugle we like to keep a close eye on all things footy, and are certainly not above dangling some clickbait in front of the content-hungry AFL fans. So, here’s our top 7 predictions for what will happen in the 2023 season…

  1. The bump will be declared “dead” at some point after a player gets reported for flattening someone. A former player will be rolled out to say the modern game has “gone soft”, while talkback radio and social media will be flooded with the usual thought-leaders and intelligentsia who haven’t read a rulebook for about 25 years.
  2. In the week before Anzac Day, someone will write an article saying the day shouldn’t be owned by just Essendon and Collingwood.
  3. Debate will spark over whether the Grand Final should remain a day game or become a night game. The most fun part about this debate is people thinking the decision is actually up to the fans, not the TV networks that pay billions of dollars to hold the rights to the game.
  4. Jordan De Goey will stay a bit closer to home during this year’s mid-season break. We’re not suggesting Craig McRae will steal De Goey’s passport for that week but, you know, that might not be a terrible idea.
  5. News reports will circulate that Alastair Clarkson has bought a house in Hobart, fuelling rumours that the Kangaroos will finally be moved to Tasmania.
  6. Collingwood won’t make the finals. Partly because we don’t want them to, but also because the footy gods over-indulged with all those close wins last year, so the universe needs to balance the ledger a little.
  7. Richmond will not win the flag. Stop dreaming, Tigers fans. You’ve had your time.