A legitimate conspiracy theory on our most-beloved carnivore has been formed after yet another pro-meat slogan was emblazoned onto Briar Hill’s most famous fence yesterday. The new slogan, which shouts “MEGS LOVES MINCE”, was discovered by a number of our readers during last night’s evening commute, with multiple sources inundating Bugle HQ with reports of the new message.

While Megan is yet to contact us directly, an anonymous source did call late last night to reveal what they say is “clear evidence” that our beloved Megan is actually the new Duchess of Sussex, Meghan (formerly known as Meghan Markle). Despite refusing to provide any concrete evidence of the claims, the source did present a number of compelling points which they asked us to share:

  1. Meghan’s extended family’s occasionally nefarious past hints at the kind of person who would think nothing of defacing public property.
  2. Harry’s army mates reportedly used to refer to him around the barracks as “Mince” because his hair looked like a 500g packet of raw mince. In need of a code name for their most famous colleague, the soldiers apparently took to Harry’s nickname with great relish.
  3. The head of the royal family, the Queen, always releases a heart-warming Christmas message to her underlings. Who could ever forget Meggsy’s wonderful message on Christmas Day last year?
  4. The most obvious way to dispute this theory is to point out the different spelling and pronunciation of the name. However, the source says this was simply because “Meghan felt she had to ‘Australianise’ her name to make it more accessible to the audience. Americans aren’t super smart, so that kind of makes sense that they’d think we speak a different language down under. And besides, the original slogan was more easily changed from to ‘BE VEGAN’ to ‘BE MEGAN’ than it would’ve been to go with ‘BE MEGHAN’.
  5. Meghan’s well-publicised charity work shows an ability to commit to worthy causes, especially ones that she is passionate about.
  6. The lack of a slogan since the aforementioned Christmas message was as per official advice she received from Buckingham Palace, which clearly stated that she needed to keep her nose clean in the lead up to her then pending nuptials with Prince Harry.
  7. When quizzed about how the Duchess would’ve got back to Briar Hill so quickly after her wedding last weekend, the source explained that as an official royal Meghan now has full-time staff on call for whatever she needs doing, including furthering her campaigning efforts abroad.

While the source, no doubt, presents a detailed case, The Watsonia Bugle remains slightly suspicious about the theory, and we keenly await Megan’s next contact with Bugle HQ. What do you think? Are the above points just convenient coincidence, or do they point to a genuine case for the Duchess of Sussex?