An actual real-life committee has been formed this week to solve a riddle that has been plaguing the Diamond Valley for generations: the official nickname for Greensborough. The simmering feud between those who think it should be “Greensy” and those who prefer “Burra” has threatened to boil over numerous times in recent years, forcing local authorities to form a committee to end the debate once and for all.

As is the style of modern times, the committee has been formed to reach general consensus, and will soak up multiple resources to fund focus groups, public canvasing, and online surveys to hopefully deliver a resolution that common sense could’ve reached on its own. A spokesperson from the recently formed committee told The Watsonia Bugle, “This process will be part of a broader portfolio of interests that will engage multiple stakeholders and leverage community consultation. We’ll touch base regularly, share frequent ideation concepts, and soundboard a team of consultants in an attempt to activate their skillsets.”

While the exact makeup of this important committee remains top secret for now, it’s expected to contain Greensborough residents of all generations. Historically, rusted-on curmudgeons have claimed that “Greensy” is the creation of younger generations, with “Burra” being the more popular term for the suburb back in the 1980s and early 1990s. That assertion is regularly backed up with the bulletproof defence that “I’ve lived in Greensborough for (insert significant time period here) and I’ve never once heard it called Greensy”, before often supporting that position with a thinly-veiled threat of violence from the ‘Burra Boys’.

The committee is expected to meet for the first time early next week, with the consultation process estimated to take at least 12-18 months, before an official resolution is formally announced in 2027. We look forward to hearing the outcome.