A local family has flexed their overwhelming financial prosperity by purchasing Hallmark wrapping paper in the lead up to Christmas, instead of the much cheaper Kmart-branded paper. The Johnson family have obviously enjoyed a better 2021 than most, and are currently trying to work out how they can subtly show gift recipients that the paper is actually Hallmark, and not some no-name stuff that poor people buy.

Respected global economist Professor Rupert Hamilton told The Watsonia Bugle, “There’s something very aggressive about paying overs for an item that will literally get ripped apart and thrown in the bin just moments after being gifted. At least with something like fancy toilet paper you can enjoy the extra plys on your nether regions, whereas expensive wrapping paper is the ultimate statement of personal wealth.”

When quizzed about their seemingly controversial choice, Mrs Johnson was dismissive at best, simply stating, “I’m accustomed to the finer things in life, you probably wouldn’t understand. I mean, I live in the Paris End of Watsonia, so there’s that. Good bye.”